Dirty Snacks

Eat wrecked.

A Whole Chicken in a Can

Via Food Network Humor

I cannot believe this is real. Why would you want this? I know Fat Tire tastes better in a can, but does chicken???

Freebies for March 10

Remember, free Jack in the Box today! Go to hangintherejack.com for the coupon.

Also, sign up for a free frozen treat from Kashi! You’ll get a coupon for an all-natural entrée. Sign up here.

Lastly, there is a special offer for Santa Cruz readers. Tonight, at 8:30 P.M. at the Sesnon Gallery of Porter College, there will be hundreds of free cookies.

Freedom!

Buck the system.

I am a sellout. If you haven’t heard yet, I have been shifting Dirty Snacks’ focus towards dirtiness outside the kitchen. This site has always been about cheap eats, but now I offer expertise in fast-food frugality. Here is the latest deal for this starving country. Today I present you with oatmeal for a buck from Jamba Juice. I have no idea how this oatmeal tastes, but it looks a little bland and dirty. Click below to print out your own coupon.

2Decker Hot Dog Sandwich

This sandwich was so big that I had to use stairs to eat from one layer to the other. OK, for a dirty snack, it was a complex creation. Three freaking slices of sourdough (I think) bread. On both layers, the thing has microwaved and sliced up Smart Dogs with a layer of provolone cheese. Some not-so-fresh lettuce was added as well. I spread on tons of ketchup to make it feel more like a hot dog than sandwich. It was mega delicious, and as you can see, it sorely impressed Caitlin via videochat.

That explains the 2Decker Hot Dog Sandwich!

Salsa Dog

I made a lot of veggie dogs this summer. Every time I went shopping at Safeway, the Yves meatless hot dogs were “Buy 1 get 1 free,” so I inadvertently had a steady supply of wieners to gobble up (yes).

With my very limited ingredients and cooking resources, I made plenty of sliced wheat bread + veggie dog + ketchup + mustard eat-em-ups. However, one time it dawned on me to pour on some leftover salsa from Taqueria Vallarta. I want to point out that the salsa included tomatoes and onions, two of my favorite dog toppings, so there really was no way this thing could go wrong. However, that did not mean the salsa was going to be extremely awesome.

The salsa did not add much flavor or greatness to my delicacy, but the experiment did exemplify an immediate effect Dirty Snacks has had on me. I now have this urge to combine as many ingredients as I can into a food. I think this is great because I am wasting less perishable goods, I am eating slightly more filling meals, and my food is way more interesting!

I completed my chihuahua experience with a nice tall can of Tecate. I love beer, and I hope you do, along with all your dirty snacks. Next time use spicy salsa.

Crackered Cheese

Two things go great together, crackers and cheese. It hardly even matters which quality cheese you use. In the case of a hungover morning with George Tarlson, we needed some cheap eats to make while watching episodes of Arrested Development. I had a pack of Lucerne swiss cheese slices that were nearing expiration. George wisely asked, “how do you get the holes out of swiss cheese?” A half-full box of Wheat Thins provided the launchpads for the mysterious white cheese. Wheat Thins probably taste great no matter what, but torn bits of cheap cheese layered upon the crunchy crackers taste really good in the mouth. These simply crackered cheeses were even better with a bottle of Anchor Steam. Notably, this was the last dirty snack made in my studio before I moved out. Never forget.

Big Sandwiches

By Tori “Tortellini” Lanterman

When we set off on our highly anticipated LA adventure, we were color coordinated, kinda drunk, and hungry for dirty snacks.

With a 5 hour drive ahead of us, we knew just one big sandwich would not suffice. Alex kindly donated 2 loaves of sourdough bread, which we gutted and filled with sauteed bell peppers and artichoke hearts, a pack of tofurky, 3 avocados, a box of sprouts, and some vegan nacho cheese. The spread, a concoction of sriracha, veganaise and spices, rounded out the sammies. Then straight to the oven to bake!

Oh, they got baked alright.

20ish minutes later, after some harsh words and hurt feelings, we took the sandwiches out of the oven, wrapped them in foil, and hopped in the car.

We decided en route that each sandwich should be eaten in a different location. We figured when we saw the spot, we’d know where to stop. The parking lot of the Apricot Tree restaurant was spot #1. Mind you, I have absolutely no idea where we were in relation to Los Angeles or Santa Cruz, but it was the spot, that’s for sure.

Sandwich one can be seen here:

Sandwich eating was interspersed with Entenmann’s Pecan Danish eating. And just a liittle bit of above room temperature red wine. What a delicious dirty snack!

Back on the road, the team partook in a heck of a lot of illegal activity and Smiths karaoke. We were antsy to get to our final destination, mostly because it meant we got to eat our other sandwich. The 90 degree heat at 2 in the morning was a little weird, but we pulled through and made it to Manhattan Beach just in time to get heckled by some drunks.

After arguing whether or not we should drive onto the pier, we settled on taking sandwich two and the nearly boiling red wine by foot to one of the conveniently located benches on the pier. Having had a few extra hours to marinate, sandwich two had a slightly better flavor than the previous one. I tend to be a stickler for mushiness, and maybe it was the wine talking, but I felt like it added to the dirtiness of the snack.

More photos can be seen here, I swear we actually got most of the sandwiches in our mouths.

Two-Cheese Quesadilla

Quesadilla, it was really nothing.

I had an adventure with Mexican food this weekend by making some quesadillas (I hate it when people pronounce it wrong à la Napolean Dynamite). I used three primary ingredients: tortillas, cheese, and salsa.

Read the rest of this page »

Cereal Festival

That little dinosaur dude is so excited!

So I arrived into Manhattan Beach tonight (it took me 11 hours from Santa Cruz because a truck exploded on Highway 152). I was going to enjoy some sleep, but a recent pattern shows that this blog keeps me awake long into the night. Though I was not hungry, I could not pass up an opportunity to make another hella raw dish for you to view. This time I had to pick from the arsenel of foods in my parents’ kitchen. But check this out: just because I have nicer ingredient and kitchen options does not mean I will avoid making a holy dirty snack. Today’s pick, a cereal festival just in time for your Saturday morning cartoons. I never eat breakfast, but I think I can still suggest a bowl that will you morning-risers some terrific energy.

Pick your cereal. I highly suggest something with little taste and a lot of health. I say something like Corn Flakes or Cheerios is a great start. For this example, I used Cheerios. Another important ingredient is a whole banana. Chop that nanner up into little pieces, much like the veggie wiener from my grilled cheeser, and throw them onto the healthy cereal. This is where things will get interesting.

Sprinkle some white sugar over the flakes or cheerios. This will add some sweetness to an otherwise dull flavor. I personally like throwing in 4 tablespoons of sugar. Next, drizzle a few lines of maple syrup over the bowl. Pour in the final ingredient, unsweetened almond milk, and your mixture should coalesce nicely. Grab a fun spoon, and take a stab at your fresh cereal festival! The energy effects of the sucrose level should kick in after a few bites. I let my taste buds enjoy the sweet sensation.

You can always throw in something crazy to drink with your cereal festival. A mimosa would be classy. Orange juice would balance out the sweet syrupy taste. Add a Lo-Carb Monster to make your morning meal truly insane!

Costco Pizza Cure

This picture says it all.

Oh god. Please do not eat Costco pizza except when you are trying to cure a weekend morning hangover. That is the acceptable time to douse your lips in this greasehole bread. However, I must admit that it is one DIRTY SNACK!

Featured in this photograph is the Cole Miller.

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